FREE WRITING ACTIVITY

This is a free-writing exercise. Write a paragraph (not exceeding 200 words) on any topic you like. Please be serious about this writing activity as I need to know exactly your personal style of writing. Do not cut and paste - I need to read a genuine piece of your own writing. You can start writing below.

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Firstly, a brief introduction about myself.My name is Alvis,and my CCA is the National Police Cadet Corps.I had spent a very great 4 years in it (I spent 4 great years in the NPCC? Does this sound better?) . Intially,I though that this CCA was a complete waste of my time because of all the physical training that I had to endure but through the second year of this type training I came to realised the essence of this CCA. (Break this sentence into two. It's too long.) Its main motive was to instill discipline in us , I also came to realised (the verb after "to" is always in the present tense!! So it should be "to realise") that by joining NPCC we could achieve some qualities that cannot be achieved in other CCAs like team bonding. (Don't make general statements like that. First, it's not true. Second, it shows your ignorance and biasness.) After spending my four years in NPCC I had finally passed out (you fainted??? Always remember the context.) as a staff seargent I am also very thankful to this CCA (the CCA or the leaders and teachers?) for giving me this chance to nuture my talents to the optimun.Now for my aspiration in life .

Actually my main aim in life is to be a scientist typically one whom is proficient in the field of medical research.I already had this aim since I was young,till now my biggest dream is to find a cure for AIDS. I know that this is a very big dream and almost impossible to reach however I promise (who did you promise???) when I grow up I would try my very best to find a cure for this disease.My favourite subject,as you can see, is science that is the reason why I had chosen the triple science stream.To me science is a subject of wonders, the world is still filled with mystries that are left untouched.To me the scientific discoveries that we have discovered today are just grains of sands on the beach but the vast expense of the ocean are still left unexplored this is why I had a passion for science.TO DISCOVER THE UNDISCOVERED.Well, my impression about ENGLISH is that it is often the subject which is pulling my grade down. I had never expect myself to score well in this subject therefore I did not spend a lot of time on it,because I knew that it was fruitless. (That's not very clever thinking. I thought you wanted to be a scientist? How about that - a scientist who cannot write well in English although he studied the language? Hmmm....he says there's no point putting in effort because he's poor at it) However i had also tried various means to improve this subject however it was still of no use.However I still hoped that I could do well for my ENGLISH. (What means? Hope will never help you pass anything!!!)

Comments :

First, my apologies for not commenting on your writing earlier. As promised, I will eventually come round to you. Your responsibility is to do what is expected of you in my English class. This means that you still owe me 2 paragraphs and an essay plan.

Your biggest problem is with grammar and sentence structure. You must be more careful with your tenses. Read every sentence you write and ask yourself whether it sound right, it fits the paragraph, it flows from the previous sentence

PLANNING(RUNNING AWAY)

Intro:-Javin was a secondary school student

-was always hardworking thus was an epitome of a model student.

Para 1:-when he was in secondary 4 he mixes with a wrong gang of friends, often get into trouble in school.

-one day one of his friends took up smoking and he followed.

-He could not stop this habit because addition had taken effect on him however he was running out of money from buying cigarettes.

Para2:-His friends told him that he knew one of the upper sec boys from other school and could offer us free cigarettes.

-Upon hearing this Javin was relieved.

-He would secretly escaped out from school during recess and return to class late .

-However,the reasons he farbricated always helped him to escape from the rod.

-This continued for months and months.

-His form teacher are suspicious of his doing and had suspect that he had been involed in smoking because cof the distinctive smell of cigarettes upon him.

Para3:-on another ocassion where he failed to return to class on time his teacher reported to the police.

-To let the law deal with him.

Para4:- The police combed the nearby area and found him.

-His friends and him tried to escaped but were no match for the police.

-Javin was apprenhended.

para5:-Receieved three stroke of public caning.

-Javin felt remorseful.

-However the police till had decided to charge to court.

-Thus was sent to the boy's home.

Conclusion:-Javin was running away from school and also from the law all this time.

-Moral of story.

The Two Paragraph

"We were in dread.Horror was at its height,circulation had stopped,all nervous influence was annihilated,and we were covered with cold sweat,like a sweat of agony!And what noise around our frail bark!What roarings repeated by the echo miles away!What an uproar was that of the water broken at the sharp rocks at the bottom,where the hardest bodies are crushed,and trees worn away,with all the fur rubbed off.

What a situation to be in!we rocked frightfully.The nautilus defended itself like a human being.Its steel muscle cracked.somtime it seem to stand upright,and we

with it! (JULES VERNE -20000 LEAGUE UNDER THE SEA)

2003 summary pointers

#WHY THE MONEY DEVELOPED BY CHINA PROVED TO BE SO SUCCESSFUL

-the state guranteed their value

-developed to a recognized shape and design

-money has a hole in it ,to make them easy to carry.

-the precious metals were weighted out in precise amount.

-avoiding elaborate procedure of weighting

-banknote was also introduced under the authority of the state

-carried equal vcalue for a specific number of coins

-encouraged the increase of trade which in turn ensured se of coins would flourished

#WHY THE MONEY DEVELOPED BY OTHER COUNTRIES ALSO PROVED TO BE SUCCESSFUL

-precious metals are also use to make coins

-they take on a certain value thus people find it worthwhile to accquire them

-production in eastern cities in eastern europe making them most successful trading centre

#WHY IN THE END OUR MONEY FOLLOIW SO CLOSELY TO THE CHINESE MODEL

-buying power are determined by the government

-cheap imitation,people chip off valuble metals from coins

-gov were forced to melt and re issue them

-official mark stamped on them

-this lead back to the chinese model

3 Good sentence/starters for sentences :-In a mixture of..

-word spread...

-Today the soft spoken...

3 Good phrases to "borrow":-Scraggly 1.62m tall teen

-His passion stem from the belief

-shyly declines to elaoborate

2004 ESSAY(write about an ocassion when a furious argument tookplace ,based on a case of mistaken identity)

Alex! Have you got the money along with you.Yes mum it's with me, I replied.Grabbing the grocery bag and my favourite MP4,which cost me a bomb,as I strolled towards the door listening to my favourite music.I made my way to nearby market relishing the thought that I was about to have a "GRAND FEAST" tonight ,prepared by my mother.

Bargaining noise permeated through the air as I enterd the market.Still as blur as I used to be , I had forgotten what my mother had requested me to buy.Therefore I had decided that I would take a tour around the market hoping to recall some of the ingredients which I was supposed to buy.

Hey you ! Stop right there!Yelled ,the butcher,Mr Wong whom used to be my neighbour .Welding his chopper high up in the air.Everyone in the market was stunned by his behaviour and I am no exception.Trying to avoid any trouble,I tried to scurried out of the market.Suddenly a forceful grip grabbed my shoulder.Without any hesitation ,I reverted my attention to my back ,only to realise that Mr wong , with his bloodshot eyes ,was staring straight down at my small frame. I trembled with fear, knowing that I was in a hot soup.

Mr Wong waved the chopper menacingly in front of my little frame.Horror struck my heart ,my limbs gradually lost their strength.I tried to escape from this commotion however it was fruitless my legs were as weak as jelly.Mr wong yelled out in a string of dialect which I am a stranger to.In a mixed of the language I found a word somewhat familiar.John ,that it! John! It looks to me that it was a name, however i just could not figure out who it was.Is it my aunt ,my uncle or my brother,NO! Nobody in my famaily took the name of John.I tried to communicate with Mr Wong that all this was a misunderstanding however my message did not get through as I am sure that he was unable to understand my English.

Mr Wong's face was as red as a tomato and he was still waving the chopper that he was welding in front of my face ,sweat trickled down my forehead.You are the theif! someone from the crowd wailed.As curious on lookers began to gathered around us.What! I shouted.Still confused about my situation .Mr wong claimed that you are the the theif who stole the money from his stall last week.I strongly rebutted that this was all a misunderstanding.However the crowd and Mr wong suspicsion were aroused.Clamour for my arrest began to set in.Realising that I had lost my stand here I began to look fo a loophole to escaped among the densely packed crowd.

My hope for escaped disappeared when I was pinned down by Mr wong's massive frame.I tried to retaliate however it was to no avail.He snatched the MP4 from my hand and smashed it on to the ground, pulverising it.This is it! I have had enough of all these nonsense ,I gathered up my strength and pushed Mr wong aside.I worked myself back to my feet and began to quarrel with him we hurled profanities and spew viscious comments and insults at each other.The crowed were also joining in ,all were convinced that I was the culprit.It was me against them however I had managed to keep my cool not to resort to violence.The glinting chopper was still pointing towards my direction and I knew that somethind must be done fast.

In a nick of time, I saw a famaliar blue. They dashed through the crowd and immediately disarmed Mr wong and got him handcuffed.The police also requested me to follow them back to have my statement recorded.Later on I had the news from the police that Mr wong had mistaken me for his newphew ,JOHN.My heart lightened as I knew that my name had been cleared.As for my MP4, I could only blame myself for being too showy with it by bringing it around the public.

Xinming Sec Paper

1a) They put in a lot of effort and strength to roll the boat. (How did they 'roll' the boat???)

1b) It was because the race is taking place very far away in the ocean, therefore the audience need to squint their eyes so that they could focus their view on the race. (No.)

1c) They are feeling very excited and anxious about the race. (Yes)

2) They will be baised (SP) against the opponent team and give their own team high scores. (Then why have the race??)

A furious argument will break out between the judges especially if two teams were to arrive on the same time at the finished line.

3) The judges was(S-V) debating over the results intensily(no such word) and fight broke out among the two teams to decide who will be the winner. (1m)

The judges were............................................intensly

4a) The word is altercation. (Yes)

4b) The gentleman use the eku to stir up the sand on the beach. (Be more precise)

The gentleman used his eku to stir up the sands on the beach thus creating creating a mist of whirlwind of sand in mid air.

4c) He trip the rower and several bodies falls over the hunched figure. (Ans is right but structure is not.

He tripped a rower which results in the other participants tripping over him.

4d) The gentleman use the eku to throw sand at the rower so that the people will be irritated by the sand and stop fighting. (yes)

4e) There are no casualities. (Don't be lazy. Be precise.)

5) He was trying to say that people could make use of any object as weapon and the same time without harming the other parties. (No)

6) They were building up their fighting skills for self defence in everyday situation for martial art but not for martial sport. (so what about martial sports?)

7a) They alter their training(how?) and substitute artificial or even counter training methods. (how?)

7b) The ultimate conclusion is to cause death and injuries to the other party. (ok)

8) You will never be able to realise your own potential and ability until you are in a dangerous situation. (ok)

9)It is the kind of fighting spirit and discipline that can be developed during the traing process. (no)

10a)Looking forward to (Ok)

10b)At the same time (yes)

10c)Greatly (Great not greatly - careless)

10d)Unsatisfactory (No)

10d)Obstruct (No)

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CHIJ(TOA PAYOH)

1)The two surfaces are on the walls of caves and on animals bones.

2)The egyptian parchment was more expansive than real paper .Secondly, it was not suitable for printing.

3)The evidence is that it was forbbiden to step on paper in acient china.

4)It means that it spear headed for information revolution.

5)The word is advent.

6)It was because the paper made in the gutenberg era was pure and strong therefore it can withstand the corrosion by external factors.

7)The author was fascinated by how much vitality bach has when completing his work however Munn was annoyed by the fact that the quality of the paper used was inferior when compared to others.

8)The word is relinquished.

9)It was remarkable because her shoes were made out from recycled materials.