FREE WRITING ACTIVITY

 

This is a free-writing exercise. Write a paragraph (not exceeding 200 words) on any topic you like. Please be serious about this writing activity as I need to know exactly your personal style of writing. Do not cut and paste - I need to read a genuine piece of your own writing. You can start writing below.

 

Font : Arial (Black), Size :Small

 

As the sweat trickled down the side of my face, hyperventilating, adrenaline pumping through my veins, I shifted my body weight slightly to the left. Peering through the creek by the side of the barricade clutching my weapon tightly as I scouted the surrounding area upfront, trying to see if my enemy had spotted me. Hidden among the shadows and moving stealthily I crouched and managed to catch a glimpse of my nemesis's kevlar.

 

Grinning to myself excitedly as the opponent was ignorant to my presence, i thought to myself " Dead man walking". I signalled to my comrades to move up the right flank with the cover of the bushes as i readied myself to move in for the kill. Hand ready on the trigger and moving with every precaution as to not make a sound so that my opponent will be caught unaware and that will be the end of it for him.

 

Once we were in position and my target was in sight, i lifted my marker and aimed down the sights. My teammate looking at me impatiently waiting for the signal to commence with our plan. Signalling with my fingers muttering under my breath as i steady my marker "3...2...1...".

 

Fingers quick on the trigger as my teammate shot at my target with surpressing fire I stood out into the open without my opponent noticing me, I pumped 3 shots into his chest.

 

He exclaimed in agony and raised his hand. Signalling the end of our paintball match.

 

Comments

 

I like the twist in your story. Clever. However, you are squeezing too much into your sentences, some of which are incomplete. Try to get your language right eg "under the cover" not "with the cover", "Finger on the trigger" - I doubt if the trigger guard can accommodate your whole hand!! We do not "exclaim in agony", we can "scream", "cry out" but definitely not "exclaim". Too many commas missing - tells me that you are weak in punctuation. Vary the length of your sentences for better effect.

 

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2 paragraphs from my favourite author.(Richard A. Knaak)

 

Warcraft War of The Ancients Book 3:The Sundering

 

A primal fury raged all about him, relentlessly ripping at him from all sides. Fire , water, earth,and air - all him in madcap fashion. The strain to simply remain in one place threatened to tear him asunder, yet he held. He could do no less.

 

Past his gaze soared countless scences, countless objects. An endless, wild panorama of time assailed his senses. There were landscapes, battles, and creatures even he could not name. He heard the voices of every being who had, did, and would exist. Every noise ever caused thundered in his ears. Colors unbelievable blinded his eyes.

 

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Introduction :Repaying a kindness.

 

 

Charles and I were walking down the (a?) stretch of beach during the winter.

 

Para 1

-Charles being himself, cursed the weather as the strong wind blew cold air into our faces

-we saw an old man dressed raggedly picking up seashells.

 

Para 2

- we asked him what he was doing and after talking for a while he offered us a hot drink in his cabin not far from here

- Charles being short tempered and wanting to get out of us (?) as soon as possible to head towards the mall. Ignoring the old man's request.

however i told him to go ahead. (Question : You need to walk down a stretch of beach during winter to go the shopping mall? Where on earth is this place?)

 

Para 3

- In the old man's cabin we talked about many things (like?) and then a stretched limo (What's a stretched limo?) stopped in front of the cabin just as i peered out of the window. (So coincidental? You are talking with him and all of a sudden you peered out of the window and the limo just happen to come by? You expect your reader to believe that?)

- A person (Describe him. That would be better. A tall, distinguished-looking gentleman? A short and stocky man?) stepped out of the limo and walked into the house. He greeted the old man and I found out that the old man was actually a multi billionaire. (How did you find out? Who is the man?) He came to pick seashells as a hobby and to get away from the competitive economy. (Why is he dressed in ragged clothes then?)

- His company had encountered some troubles and they needed him back.

- He thanked me for the company i offered him and in turn gave me the cabin. (You must be kidding, right? Or dreaming? Is this another dream of yours?)

 

Comments :

 

Incomplete as at 080707. A few gaps in your plot so far. Try to resolve that. Complete this plan quickly.

 

 

 

 

Why money developed in China proved successful

-state gauranteed their value

-Coins confored to a recognized shape and design

-coin had a hole to be easily strung together

-encouraged increase trade --> ensure coin to flourish

-precious metals weighed in precise amounts

-banknote issued under authority of state

-carried equal value to a specific number of coins

-convenient form of money

 

 

Why money produced later by other countries proved successful

-coins fashioned from precious metals

-take on certain value

-production in leading cities

-value earned them reputation as money

 

Why our money follow chinese model so closely

-buying power determined by govt.

-official mark stamped

-official gaurantee of value

-cheap imitations,ppl scrape off valuable metals

-govt forced to reissue of cheap coins

 

 

 

3 Good sentence/starters for sentences :

-In a mixture of broken English and Teochew, ...

-His passion stems from the believe that...

-Today, the soft-spoken 55-year-old laughs when...

 

3 Good phrases to "borrow"

-for their grueling intensity

-he shyly declines to elaborate

-as he is known affectionately

 

 

 

2004 Essay.

 

4.Flight

 

Around me stood the dry and cracked up soil, with the sky clear and cloudless on top. Perching on the ledge of the vertical cliff, standing about 100 feet from the ground, I scanned the area around me. Making sure I did not miss any potential preys in my line of sight. After several minutes of waiting, my impatience grew along with the hunger gnawing at my stomach. I decided to leave my area of comfort and and go out scouting.

 

I moved cautiously near the edge and as I peered down, I stared deep down onto the ground. Fear overtook me at that instant and as I started to move back, natural instinct had reassured me. Weird as it was, I stopped and in turn moved furthur towards the ledge knowing that under normal circumstances I would be plunging into the last few seconds of my life.

 

My legs carried me forward as the fear in me subsided. Tripping over the deep crack in the ledge, I lunged forward and natural reaction had sprung into place. I lifted my hands to try and keep my balance. As I struggled to keep balance, I felt the difference in movement of my arms and when I stared down, my arms were not there! In place were brown feathery wings with streaks of black running down them. Shock pulsated through my head and I finally managed to regain balance by beating my wings. It had not felt much awkwardness as I had expected. It was as if I was born with it, as if it was natural.

 

The hunger I felt returned to me and urged me to find food. I pranced towards the edge of the ledge and leapt off it. As I dived closer towards the ground by the second, with the wind gushing past my face and streaming through my feathers, I savoured every second of it. The ground grew larger in sight as I plunged and then, my wings sprung opened instinctly. I leveled myself and smoothly glided through the air with the baking Sun shone upon me, threatening to burn every second I was exposed to it.

 

As I soared through the sky, I scanned the region. Watching for the unfortunate prey soon to be my meal. I twisted my head from the left to the right. My attention was immediately drawn to the miniature prey scampering from hole to hole, apparently still not aware of it's hungry predator presence. I darted right and dropped altitude without delay. The widespread weakness due to the lack of food took a toll upon me as I staggered to keep balance.

 

The silence of the desert broken by the wind rushing into my ears as I swooped down onto the cautious mouse. As I diced through the air a feet above the ground, I stretched open my beak which was in place of my mouth and snapped shut just as the prey exited the hole. The furry feeling in my mouth disgusted me.

 

Feeling my mouth back in place I sat up and spat it out of my mouth. I peered out of my window at the young rising sun and sank back into my bed. Head snuggled under my pillow as I groaned. And beside me sat the furry toy mouse my friends had given me last christmas. As I thought to myself about how real the dream had been, sleep slowly crept up upon me.

 

 

 

Compre 2007.

 

1.(a) It tells me that the rowers were struggling and putting in their most effort to gain speed. ('Effort' used in Q; try another word)

 

(b) They needed to squint as the reflection of the sun was shining on them. (OK)

 

(c) It reveals that the villagers were eager to see the finishing of the race. (OK)

 

2. The problem that will arise is that both judges will be biased towards their own village and this will result in the unfair judging of the race. (under what circumstances?)

 

3. The consequences were that the two judges got engaged in a heated argument and the both teams started to fight over who the victor was. (OK)

 

4.(a) The word is "altercation". (Yes)

 

(b) I think he dug the eku into the sand and threw the sand up in the air. (Be more precise)

 

(c) The chaotic situation enable no one to notice the old man. Thus he was able to move into the centre of the uncontrolled mass with relative ease. (No)

(He was skilled in martial arts)

 

(d) He threw sand at the rowers who were fighting. (Yes)

 

(e) He disabled the rowers and stopped them from fighting without any casualties. (Yes)

 

5. He is trying to say that he hopes this lesson of not hurting anyone when there is a choice remains with people who practice martial arts. (Rather confusing. Can you simplify this answer?)

 

6. Many artistes consider that martial sport is ineffective for self-defence, fighting or combat (why?) and that martial artistes train for actual situations.

 

7.(a) They stop their attack just before it hits their targets and also limit their targets. (OK)

 

(b) I think that it will be the disabling of the opponent. (No)

 

8. It means that you take more notice of your moves. (No)

(You begin to understand the kind of person you really are)

 

9. It is to develop fighting spirit. (No)

(It is to develop technique, knowledge and character for the practisioner

 

10.1. looking forward to (OK)

 

2. at the same time (Yes)

 

3. great (Yes)

 

4. ineffective (Yes)

 

5. corrupt (Yes)

 

Brian, be careful, don't make silly grammatical errors and you can find yourself getting a distinction if you're lucky.

 

 

 

 

CHIJ TP Prelim Paper 2.

 

1. They used to paint on walls of caves and mulberry bark.

 

2. It was less popular as real paper was cheaper to produce and it was better for printing.

 

3. People were forbidden to step on paper which had writing on it.

 

4. It means that paper making made it possible to for the first imformation revolution in Europe.

 

5. The word is "advent".

 

6. The papers were made of hemp and linen rags and the purity and strength of it enabled it to survive for many years.

 

7. The writer was amazed at the content of the of Bach's cantana while Munn was disappointed at the poor quality of the paper he used.

 

8. A word is pessimistic.

 

9. It was remarkable as it was made up of recycled materials.

 

10. It tells us that Julie is strong and rugged.

 

11. She wanted to set the trend for other companies to follow and create a market for recycled material

 

 

12. The writer means search.

 

13. Aluminium was the most commonly recycled.

 

14. He is implying the U.S. is rich in trash.

 

15. fragile

      small part

      cleverly inventive

      using wastefully

      important

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