FREE WRITING ACTIVITY

This is a free-writing exercise. Write a paragraph (not exceeding 200 words) on any topic you like. Please be serious about this writing activity as I need to know exactly your personal style of writing. Do not cut and paste - I need to read a genuine piece of your own writing. You can start writing below.

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It was dark and silent down in the valley, no noise or sound could be heard except a cold breeze blowing by.

I was standing under the lamp of light wondering what is down there at the dark and creepy valley as my hair stands and I could hear my heart thumping hard inside me.

All of the sudden, there was a scream from the valley and I jerked up a little with fright that my heart could almost jumped out of my chest. I wiped off the fear on my face with shivering hands as I placed my the other hand on my chest and felt out my heartbeat trying to remain calm. Taking in deep breath and slowly breathing out, thoughts began to run through my mind as I wonder what is down at the valley that gave out some eerie and frightful fear that got me and questions pondered me like who or what was there and who scream. At the moment as I began to calm down, a certain force held me down by as I tried to struggle off, the force became more stronger and forceful.

I panicked and began to scream but no voice came out when..."Desmond...Desmond...wake up, u are having a dream, we are your friends here."

Opening my eyes slowly, I could not see clearly who they are at first but my vision became clearer and I see Alvis holding me down to the bed while Chee kit is standing behind him.

"What...hap...pen...?" I muttered.

"U must be having a bad nightmare as u are there screaming all about like mad and crazy! And further more u went bonkers and started swinging yr hands wildly, that is why Alvis is holding u down",said Chee kit.

"Where...a...m...I...?" I coughed as I laid back down onto the bed feeling feeble and weak.

"U are at the hospital now as your head is bleeding when u got admited into the hospital", replied Chee kit.

Comments :

Interesting but you are trying too hard to impress and ending up with some awkward descriptions instead. You are confused with your tenses and no "u" please. Spell it out in full. Your story must be believable - that is very important. The moment I find that certain events you described are exaggerated, your essay will be a band down.

You owe me two paragraphs here.

REPAYING A KINDNESS

Introduction : See a kid hungry and starving out at the street

A flashback went through my mind (A flashback strategy is not written this way.)

Para 1

- At winter time, it was snowing

- I was a homeless kid

- Walking down the empty road

- Feeling cold

- Starving and hungry

- Clothes were all torn and tattered

- Carried a smell that is like dung (odd description. Find a better one.)

Para 2

- Decided to ask for food

- Go from door to door

- Saw me as filthy little kid

- Chase me away

Para 3

- After knocking on a few doors, I decided to stop since there was no point

- Feeling all hopes were gone and starving at the same time

- A young man walked up to me and pass me all the coins he had left

- He was like me, wearing torn and tattered clothes but he still pass all coins he had on him to me

Para 4

- Few years later, I had became a doctor by then (From a homeless kid to a doctor? In a few years?)

- A patient came in with torn and tattered clothes and he looked farmiliar

- Out of curiousity, I asked him if he did give some coins to a small boy few years before

- He looked surprised at how did I know that

Para 5

- Helped him to cure his illness and give him a bag full of coins (A bag of COINS? Not notes? You call that repaying a kindness?)

- Thank him for his coins in the past, if not for it, I would have die by then and not survived till now (An eye for an eye? A coin for a coin?)

- He held the bag full of coins tightly and shed down a tear drop (??? I would wail if I were him, and not just cry!!!)

Conclusion

- Now I look at the kid again

- I realise even though the guy only give me a few coins he had left but it helped me to survive untill now and make a great difference in my life

- And I get the chance to repay the kindness back to him in a lots of way

- So a little help makes a great difference to everyone

- As I approach the kid... (yes, yes...we know...you gave him a few coins and hope he will be a doctor in a few years time!)

Comments :

I'm sorry for being critical but your story is totally amazing...in all the wrong ways! Please give the markers some credit - they are not some primary kids. I would suggest that you think through your story again. My suggestions are to make it a local scene, make it more believable - eg a taxi-driver's son making it good and contributing back to society - something that will make the markers nod in approval - could be your values, your sacrifices - something positive, something that makes them feel good inside.

November 2003 Summary

-Why the money developed by China proved so successful

1)made of cheap metals

2)made sure that coins conformed to a recognized shape and design

3)guranteed value by the government

4)this emergence of this new money encouraged an increase in use

5)banknotes carried a value equal to specific number of the metal coins

6)banknotes are light-weighted

-Why the money produced later by other countires also proved so successful

1)produce metal coins

2)gold and silver were mined in significant quatities

3)coins were fashioned from these metals

4)European cities with their gold or silver coinage

-Why in the end our money today follows the Chinese model so closely

1)buying power is determined by the government authorities, with offical mark stamped on them

2)cheap metal makes up modern coins

3)banknotes followed the pattern that appeared early on in China

Index No : 26

Name : Desmond Lim

3 Good sentence/starters for sentences :

1...resolve an arguement without resorting to violence...

2...take place four times a week, rain or shine...

3.His passion stems from the belief that...

3 Good phrases to "borrow":

1.gruelling intensity

2.shyly declines to elaborate

3.deliquent boys who remind him of himself

November 2004 Paper One

2. Write about an occasion when a furious agruement took place, based on a case of mistaken identity.

This was a chance not to be missed, not only able to attend the Singapore live singing concert, but also having the opportunity of taking photos with my favourite singers. It was bound to get my friends jealous when they see me standing right beside my favourite singers in the photograph.

I dressed up neatly and spent time to comb up my hair. By the time I was done, I looked at my watch and realised the time was getting late and I immediately picked up my wallet and camera and got out of the house. I took a cab to the live singing concert location but I needed to walk some distance before reaching my destination. While walking along the pavement, I saw a shop opposite selling ice-cream and it was having a promotion on chocolate ice-cream and it was my favourite favour of ice-cream. I looked at my watch and looked back at the shop. Hesitated for awhile, I thought to myself, since there is still ten minutes beofre the concert starts, maybe i could spent some time eating ice-cream. Having made my choice, I went across the street and walked in the shop to get my chocolate ice-cream. I sat down at a table and was prepared to take a bite out of my bowl of ice-cream when a young man approached me.

"Hey honey, I have miss you so much", said the young man. I looked at him with a face of blank expression and trying to figure out if he had mistaken me for a girl. I told him I was a guy and asked if he had mistaken me for someone else but he said he did not. He held my hands and bent down to kiss me on my cheek. I was stunned for a second but I regain my consious and pulled my hands back. I stood up and shout at him, "What is wrong with you! Can't you see I am a male and you are a male too! What do you think you are doing kissing my cheek like that!"

I could see the people in the surrounding looking at us and some whispering in one another ears about us. I looked back at him to see his respond and his whole face was red. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the shop and he asked me what was wrong with me today.

I replied fiercely that i do not know him and I was not a gay in any sense. He looked at me with weird eyes and felt my forehead and said, "did u get into any accident that you have lost your memories of us begin together?"

I pushed away his hand and said harshly that I was perfectly normal and there was nothing wrong with me. "The only thing thing here that looked sick is you!" He stared at me with eyes filled with anger and out of temper I said to him, "what are you staring at! Just get away from me!"

he replied back harshly that he thought I was serious with the relationship with him and he was looking forward to getting married with him. I felt really pissed off by him but in my mind, I was telling myself to cool down. I said to him this time in a more nicer way that he must had mistaken me for someone else and I was not who he thinks I was. He shouted at me that I was pretending to be someone else and was avoiding to be with him. I closed my eyes for a second and clenching my fist, I opened my eyes back and took out my wallet and showed him my identity card. Hoping he would realised that he had mistaken me for someone else. He looked at my identity card with surprise and asked how I managed to change my name in the identity card. I kept my wallet and pointed my finger at him. "Look gay, you have wasted enough of my time and I already tell you that I am not the guy you are looking for but if u insisted that I am the guy you are looking for, i am not going to care!" I started to walked away but he pulled me back and said that I do not want to admit him as my boyfriend. He got to the top of my temper and that was it.

I gave him a punch in his face and that managed to knock him down to the floor. From there, I made my escaped and ran off as fast as I could. That incident totally spoils my mood and I went home straight taking a taxi. Reaching home, I hurried to the bathroom and looked at the mirror and began to wonder if i looked like a gay at any view from the mirror but I just could not see myself to be like gay in any ways. Unable to forget that frustrating moment, I was thinking perhaps I will not be able to get some good rest tonight.

XINMIN SECONDARY SCHOOL PRELIMINARY EXAMINATION

1a) The word 'strain' tells me that the rowers put in their best effort and are at their limits. ('Effort' used in the Q. Find another word.)

b) The white flashing light blind the eyes of the villagers on shore, thus, they need to 'squirt' to get a better view of the race. (No.)

c) It reveals that the villagers are very excited and anxious about the happening of the race(exp). (OK)

2) The judges may be biased against the opposing team and decide their own village people to be the winner of the race and this will in turn led to arguemnet (SP) and fights among the villagers. (Under what circumstances?)

3) The two consequences were the two rowing teams begin to shout at each other and "a" fight broke out when the judges could not decide the winner. (OK)

4a) The word is 'altercation'. (Yes)

b) The gentleman uses the eku to make 'a whirlwind cloud of sand'. (How?)

c) The teammates were busy fighting and thus, will not pay any attention to other things and it enabled the gentleman to move with relative ease into the centre of the uncontrolled mass. (No)

d) The elderly gentleman uses the eku to throw sand at the rowers engage in fight to blind their eyes.- making them coughing and gagging- . (OK but for SS)

e) He is able to calm down the uncontrollable mass without engaging in the fight or getting anyone injured which made it so remarkable. (OK but again SS)

5) The author is trying to say that anything can be used as a weapon and at the same time without harming anyone or making anyone injured. (No)

6) Many martial artistes consider the distinction between martial sport and martial art is that martial artistes train for real life. (and those in martial sports?)

7a) The two ways martial artistes practice in their training to avoid hurting each other are altering their training to avoid danger and substitute artificial or even counter training methods and using "pull" techniques, limits targets and add precautionary movements. (so many? The Q asks for 2 only. Decide.)

b) It will be changing the moves of the technique and coming up with an unknown surprising technique move. (No)

CHIJ SECONDARY SCHOOL PAPER 2

1) The two surfaces people used to paint on are on the walls of the cave and on beaten mulberry bark.

2) Real paper are cheaper than parchment to make and can be produced in great quantities.

3) Chinese was the first to make paper money, toilet paper, and paper books. Also it was forbidden even to step on a piece of paper with writing on it.

4) It means mass printing that was responsible for the big spreading of ideas.

5) The word is reached.

6) The printers used paper made of hemp and linen rags which were very hard and strong.

7) The writer was amazed at Bach's energy while Munn do not like the cheap and dull paper he bought as Munn prefer a better quality type of paper.

8) The word is 'relinquish'.

9) Julie Lewis'shoe is made from reycled materials.

10) It tells us that she is very thrity and like to recycle stuffs.

11) Julie wanted to be a role model to other industries and stimulate the demand for recycled products.

12) The writer means having go around the point of having recycled operations to supply materials.

13) Aluminium cans are the most commonly recycled materials in the U.S.

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