FREE WRITING ACTIVITY

 

This is a free-writing exercise. Write a paragraph (not exceeding 200 words) on any topic you like. Please be serious about this writing activity as I need to know exactly your personal style of writing. Do not cut and paste - I need to read a genuine piece of your own writing. You can start writing below.

 

Font : Arial (Black), Size :Small

 

My topic that I would be writing today is basically about my hobby. I would like to say that my hobby is an extremely expensive hobby, perhaps it is not really much of a hobby but my true dream is to officially create my very own mini scaled version of New York City, using Lego. Yes, many people may say that my so called 'hobby' is way out of my age limit, but i have been a Lego fanatic since the age of 5, my passion to finally creating my 'dream' city is still miles away, but taking one step at a time, i am determined to achieve my all time dream. however, as I have mentioned above, it is an extremely hobby as in order to achieve a proportionally scaled model, such as the Chrysler building which is currently in construction, it would require a minimun of 66 bricks just to acheive a single floor, not to mention the partition between the each floor, which would require 29 other rectangle bricks, that would be an equilibrium to an entire tub of 1800 bricks at the price of 79.90 per tub. Despite the fact that it is a near impossible dream of mine, it has already been half complete. Apart from that, I have already done half the city, fully equiped with my very own St. Regis, luxury apartment and several brownstones. It took a total of 5 months just to achieve that, but amittingly, the end result has been extremely satisfying. Just laying back and admire your work lying there has always been a sense of motivation for me to work harder for my exams as it is my grades that allow me to get my additional parts to complete my Chrysler building. But as of currently, I have to concentrate on my up coming exam, which I would strive to get a good grade.

 

Joe

 

Comments :

 

Does this look impossible to you?

 

 

 

OK...now for my comments. Too many grammatical errors, too long sentences. You did not bother to check your work and the result is a messay piece of writing. I cannot accept this quality of work frm you - I expect better. Please look through and refine this piece of writing.

 

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RUNNING AWAY

 

Introductions: 'Kneeling on the cold hard concrete floor, i find myself recapping what has happened before'

Recap the incident that led to my current state

 

Para 1 : - Description of how I and my friends would run away from school during recess time in search of thrill

- Our adventure had lasted for months (some details about your adventure would be good) , where we would always run away during recess and returm back to school by the time recess ended

- Got carried away on one day

- Failed to return on time

Para 2 : - Decided to stay out for a while longer

- Played around the playground

- Agreed to return to school within an hour

 

Para 3 : - Got carried away and several hours passed

- Got scared as bags were still in class

- Decided to return back to school to collect our bags

 

Para 4 : - In school, heard our names being called from the PA system (The school has been announcing your names for the past few hours? You mentioned several hours had passed. School still in session after several hours? Or is it just mere coincidence that your names were announced just as you sneaked into the school?)

- Made us even more scared

- But were still determined to collect our belongings

- As we approached our class, i volunteered to run in to class to take our bags (you intend to run into a class full of students to take your bags? And run out of class again with your bags? How many bags did you say? You OK?)

- Got caught by classmates and made a mad dash to the toilet in search of refuge (You were escaping from your classmates and you ran into the toilet? Not out of school but into the TOILET? You are a strange boy indeed! )

- Finally got caught by classmates and surrendered to the teachers

- Interrogated by teachers and finally by the principal

 

 

 

Conclusion : Deeply regreted my naive decision of running away from school

Served my time doing detention for a month and thus realised that my actions were selfish and inconsiderate.

 

Comments :

 

It's hard to believe that your actions were undetected for months. A few times here and there, yes, I believe that's possible. And your actions defy logic! So try not to stretch your imagination (and the markers') too much.

 

 

 

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Summary:November 2003

 

Why money porduced in china is so sucessful

-cheap metal

-state recognized

-recognized shape and design

-banknote guaranteed by state

-coins could be strung together

-banknotes more portable, less cumbersome

 

Why money produced in other countries are so sucessful

-made of precious metals

-proven its worth

-coins made of cheap metal to prevent counterfeit -

 

 

Why current model of money followed the chinese model

-banknotes are very portble and have much worth

-coins made of cheap metal as they did in the past -

 

 

Index No : 29

Name : Joe Ong

 

3 Good sentence/starters for sentences :

-Known affectionately by his 150 students...

-...,rain or shine, have become legendary for their gruelling intensity.

-His passions stems from the believe...

 

3 Good phrases to "borrow"

-deliquent boys who remind of himself...

-his instructors were soft spoken and humble

-... shyly declines to elaborate...

 

 

November 2004

 

Paper 1 Section 1

 

Qn 3 : Should parents go out to work when their children are very young? what are your views?

 

The case of parents leaving their child at home at a young age to go to work has become increasingly common not only in Singapore but also around the world. From my point of view, I feel that what these parents do is very unreasonable toward the child. It is understandable that parents work not only to provide income for the family but also help pave the child's future education fees. These parents would work very hard, spending hours in their workplace so that more money can be earned. A typical scenario that can be seen in most household is that both parents would leave their homes at the crack of dawn, only to return back home when most people would have gone to bed. Should any of the parents be questioned as to why they would do such a thing, a typical response that most parents would reply with is that they are doing this so that their child can enjoy a blessed childhood.

 

But do they? Does the child stand to benefit from the parents action? I feel that that is a plain excuse used internationally around the world to fool their children. So what if the child gets to live like prince or princess, they may look happy but deep down in their hearts they are all emotionally shattered. These children would grow up in an environment where they hardly even know who their parents are since both parents are always working from morning to night. From a young age their only companions through their childhoods are the four walls of the house or even the maid who is employed by the working parents to help look after their child. The maid who is employed to look after the child, no matter how good they may be, will not be able to step up the role of the parent as after all, they are paid to look after the child and will not be that affectionate toward the child as the parent my be.

 

A happy child is a child who is emotionally balanced. Most parents in the modern society brag about how happy their child is. But in reality these children who have been brought up in a materialistic society are all deprived off a major component of a perfect childhood. Love from the parent to the child and vice versa can change the fate of a childhood. Love cannot be purchased, manufactured artificially or even taught. These children who have been abandoned at home without any parental love will try to seek it out by drawing the parent's attention. The child who is left at home would not get the same treatment as a child who has parents that constantly stay by their side, motivating the child as he or she grows up. An example of this comparison is a simple one, a child learning to walk. The child without any parents by their side as they learn to walk their first few steps will fall but not get up as there will be nobody to tell them not to give up because of a fall. The child would then grow up with the mentality of giving up should they meet any difficulties. However, the child who has a parent beside them will also fall, but because the parents are by their sides, constantly telling them not to give up, they will get up and learn to walk. These children will grow up with the mentality of not giving up even if they encounter a problem.

 

Having a child means lots of commitment, spending time with the child, watching the child as he or she grows and most importantly giving the child proper or accurate morals of life. Very often, parents are the child's role model. The child would follow the parent's actions and learn to act them out. Thus, by working while the child is still young, it has taught the child an action that would follow the child for an eternity, negligence. By having both parents to go to work when the child is still young, the child is literally deprived off the parental attention that he or she ought to require. Thus as the child grows, he or she will neglect things that may be important to their lives, as their parents have failed to prioritize children and work.

 

Yes, even though it is indisputable that young children may not have adequately developed brains and should any of the parents be not around, they will not even notice it. However, this action of choosing to work when the child is still at his or her vulnerable age is within reasonable doubt. Must both parents work and neglect the child at home? Is work more important compared to a child who requires all the love parents can give? From my point of view, I believe that the answer is no. The child is of most importance to the parent as a child of such a tender age is vulnerable to his or her surrounding. A child who lives in a environment where at least one parent is always by his or her side would not only learn to respect his or her parent for always being by their side, but also they will know the difference between what is right and what is wrong as their parents would be instilling the right morals into them throughout their growing years. A child who has been growing up in an environment where both parents are hardly by their sides will grow up with little respect to their parents as they had grew up with a grudge against their parents for not supporting what ever they do from a young age. These children will do everything, be it good or bad, to attract their parents, to squeeze some attention from their parents.They will go to the extreme, doing things that will cause their parents to put down whatever they are doing just to attend to them.

 

The effects are devastating; parents choosing to go to work when their children are still young will lead to a horrible future for the child. Yet many parents in our modern society still choose to work when the child is still young. Perhaps there is a reason for their doing; maybe, they have no choice as they need to make ends meet. My point of view may sound naive to an adult, but I am confident that majority of the children in this modern society would agree to what I have written. They have been suffering silently while their parents went to work and even if they did voice out their woes, parents would just brush it aside with materialistic desires. Therefore, to conclude what i have just written, I believe that at least one of the parents should not go to work when their children are still young. Moreover, they should spend more time with the child, watch him or her grow up with a happy childhood and perhaps when the child is older and able to understand the society better,and then both parents can safely go to work knowing that their child fully agrees to what they have done. Withy that said, I hope that readers who have read my writing will understand the rational behind my views of not agreeing that both parents should go to work when the child is still young.

 

 

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Xinmin secondary school

 

1a) the word strain emphasises that the rowers put in alot (2 words!!) of effort to to suceed as a winner of the race. ('Effort' already used in Q. Use another word.)

 

1b) the fact that the rowers are far out at sea caused the audience to squint while they look at the rowers. (No) Also the reflection of light on the waves caused the audiences to squint. (Yes but I need a little bit more detail.)

 

1c) the villagers bob and weave as the(y) were very anxious about the outcome of the race. (OK)

 

2) they would not have a unanimous decision as to who is the winner of the race. (Why?)

 

3) both the judges would start to argue and this would cause team members on both teams to start fighting. (Q asks what had happened, not what will.)

 

4a) the word is 'altercation (Yes)

 

4b) the gentleman used the oar or the eku to stir up the sand. (Be more precise.)

 

4c) the aggregation caused by the fighting teammates had distracted the teamates for attacking the gentleman. (No)

 

4d) the gentlman stirred up the sand and this caused the sand to fly into the eyes, mouth and nose of the rowers and this had stooped them from fighting as they were either choked or rubbing their irritated eyes. (OK)

 

4e) he was able to stop the fighting without injuring anyone and also only using simple tools. (OK)

 

5) the author said that as he was trying to say that we can be victorious in a fight without severly harming the opponent using simple tools around you. (No.)

 

6) martial artistes consider the distinction between martial art and martial sports is that martial artistes trian for everyday situation. (SS. What about m sports?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHIJ TP Prelim paper 2007

 

1)People would paint on walls of caves and parchment made of animal skin.

 

2)Real paper is much cheaper to produce than Egyptian parchment and also the quality of the real paper is much better than the Egyptian parchment.

 

3)People of china were forbidden to step on paper and this shows that the chinese placed great importance in their paper.

 

4)'Set the stage' meant that it provided the steooing stones for the information revolution to start.

 

5)The word is 'reached'.

 

6)The materials printed were of good quality and were extremely durable.

 

7)The writer was amazed at the energy the writer had while Munn was only intrested in the type of paper used, Munn's reaction was greatly dishearten due to the poor paper quality.

 

8)The word is 'waved'

 

9)Julie Lewis shoes were special as they were made up of recycled junk.

 

10)Julie is rather rugged and is always on the go.

 

11)She wanted the nation to know that junk can be used to make useful things.

 

12)'Beat the bush' means that it was greatly delayed.

 

13)Aluminium is the most recycled as 65% of the alminium is recycled in the USA

 

14)The author is trying to impply that we produce the most amount of trash that is distributed around the world. Just as oil is mainly distributed from the saudi arabia.

 

15)1. Easily broken

     2. A small portion

     3. Smart thinking

     4. Spending

     5. Initial

 

 

Manjusri paper 2

 

1)Busy

 

2)He wanted to energise his body by getting the thrill of hiking.

 

3)The rain water could have cause the rock to be slippery.

 

4)It suggest thet Kanak fell helplessly down the slope at a very fast speed.

 

5)He had fallen a great height and he was also unable to get to safety as he was met with dead ends along the cliff.

 

6)By taking a helicopter, the passengers would have a bird's eye view of everything below them.

 

7)His toughts would be dejected and down as he was still alive but he was suffering a great deal

 

8)His purpose of lagging behind was to find tracks that indicate that a person had fallen of the cliffs. this shows that he is a very observant person.

 

9)The author meant that tourism brought about both good and bad things to nepal.

 

10)The individual treks would be led by the local people and thus money would be paid directly towards these locals and not through the western organisers

 

11)It is popular amongst tourist because it provides these tourist with exotic and new experiences.

 

12)It suggest that there are presense of many western amenities in that area.

 

13)The two words are scant attention.

 

14)Many sherpas have left the traditional way of farming to engage in tourism.

 

15)1. Busy

     2. Extremly dangerous

     3. Vertical

     4. Unseen or unheard of before

     5. Calling forth

 

 

 

 

 

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